Monday, April 5, 2010

This is my blog...........hmmm, what is a blog for? What is my blog for? Is my desire to gather a huge following and lead them along my journey with a small tinny flute? Uhmm, No.
I think I am just am individual shouting out into the din. Nobody listens, nobody hears. So I get to write what I want to, or need to.
My life lately has been anything but artful. I have been consumed by a dilemma my family faces, well, 2 dilemma's actually, but who is counting?
I live for my children, its true and it is "how I roll". They are the most precious thing I have ever, and will ever be associated with. I thank God that He answered my prayers and sent them to us.
Each one is his or her own special Joy. Priceless. Truly.
Of course they are growing up and needing me less and others more, which means I am doing my job. So I float back and forth between family, self and loneliness. Lately its been a lot of family and little self. And there is also the pain, the never ending, consume my brain pain.
Bottom line? I am beginning to understand why women who succeed in their art are usually older, or very young. They just don't have the time until then, or they realise they want to be an artist before they begin their families, and these days that is acceptable.
I feel very selfish when I am doing arty stuff, or pursuing arty stuff, or investing in arty stuff. I feel like what I do should be a direct blessing to my family. Which means money, and not spending it either. I seem to have that well in hand. What I mean is earning it. Why is it that success is measured in coinage? I mean, even in my brain. Is it because it has been drilled into me, because the enemy wants me to feel that? Cripple me into this heap of uselessness that is constantly stuck between blessing and expression? Well, here I am. I guess it doesn't matter who's fault it is. And wooo nelly, THANK GOD HE USES ALL ! Otherwise I would be useless! Instead what I am is waiting, waiting for His next step. Could ya'll let Him know I am waiting?
I am not sure He is listening to me much anymore.
Praise Him that He will never leave me or forsake me! Now that's HOPE!

1 comment:

  1. Danielle: I am not a religious person, but from the bottom of my heart I believe that if you are drawn to express yourself through art then you should not feel guilty doing just that. It is a gift for a child to see his parent creating something beautiful. Really, teaching our children to see the beauty in this world - natural or man made - is a huge gift and badly needed.